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One Liners :lol:


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#581 Ormes

Ormes

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Posted 22 November 2019 - 02:39 PM

I took the missus out for a romantic meal last night and we started playing footsie under the table. I had the steak, she got toed in the hole.

 

 

Last night, after we made love my wife said “wow that took you a long time’. I said “yes, I couldn’t think of anyone.”

 

Good work :lol:



#582 hairy

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Posted 22 November 2019 - 05:26 PM

My wife's sleeping with a huge smile on her face ... I love felt tip pens.



#583 hairy

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Posted 22 November 2019 - 05:32 PM

If you had the chance of staying with your wife or winning the lottery, what type of car would you buy first ?



#584 hairy

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Posted 22 November 2019 - 05:39 PM

My computer crashed at work and then all the other computers slowed down so they could see what was happening...



#585 hairy

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Posted 23 November 2019 - 05:28 PM

I took my Granddad to one of those Spas where they have the little fish that will nibble away any dead skin ... it cost over £100 but it was cheaper than a funeral.



#586 hairy

hairy

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Posted 03 December 2019 - 10:08 PM

I put all my dogging equipment on ebay today ...  so far I've got 12 watchers



#587 hairy

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Posted 03 December 2019 - 10:13 PM

I've just bought one of those new Jehovah's Witness advent calendars ... every day you open a door, someone standing behind it tells you to fcuk off.



#588 hairy

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Posted 24 December 2019 - 03:11 PM

Do NOT drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm going to need that back!



#589 hairy

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Posted 08 January 2020 - 11:50 AM

I just had a dump and ran out of toilet paper so had to do that trousers-round-the-ankles waddle to get some more. Bit embarrassing, but I'm nearly at Tesco's now.



#590 Alpha Tango

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Posted 12 January 2020 - 01:08 PM

Apparently you can't use "beef stew" as a password, it's not stroganoff !

#591 oblomov

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Posted 14 January 2020 - 12:22 PM

There's only two things that taste of fish and one of them's fish.

#592 hairy

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Posted 15 January 2020 - 07:46 AM

There are still six weeks to go to Pancake Day and already the shops have eggs, flour and milk for sale!






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