Some people aren’t shaking hands because of the Coronavirus. I’m not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper.
One Liners :lol:
Posted 12 March 2020 - 09:28 PM
Mummy, when is this coronavirus thing going to finish? ... Shut up and eat your toilet paper!
Posted 15 March 2020 - 09:22 AM
With all the football suspended I decided to talk to the wife for once ... it turns out she's been made redundant from Woolworth's.
Posted 15 March 2020 - 12:58 PM
Posted 20 March 2020 - 10:08 AM
Imagine all the People.....
Posted 22 March 2020 - 03:22 PM
Customs officials at Dover have discovered ten tons of toilet roll hidden inside cocaine.
Posted 25 March 2020 - 05:50 PM
After years of wanting to redecorate my house, but not having the time, this week I discovered that wasn't the reason after all.
Posted 26 March 2020 - 07:28 PM
Just a reminder, clocks go forward at the weekend so we'll all have an extra hour indoors.
Posted 23 April 2020 - 08:42 PM
My wife said: If you're bored why don't you make a bird table? Now she's in a huff with me 'cos I put her in 5th place!
Posted 25 April 2020 - 01:31 PM
Congratulations to Hugh Zapritti Boyden on his new role as chairman of the British Budgerigar Association
Posted 03 May 2020 - 04:31 PM
Tetleys say the best way to make a good cup of tea is to use boiling water and agitate the bag.So every morning, I pull the covers off, slap her arse and shout "two sugars fatty!"
Posted 13 May 2020 - 06:24 PM
The other day I spotted an albino dalmatian ... it's the least I could do for him.
Posted 27 May 2020 - 05:56 PM
I’ve just swapped my white transit van for a pink one ... I wanted a camper van
Posted 14 June 2020 - 02:29 PM
Had a painter and decorator round - he's a currently furloughed BA pilot ... made a lovely job of the landing.
Posted 19 June 2020 - 04:57 PM
My wife told me that there will be clapping for Dame Vera Lynn ... don't know where, don't know when.
Posted 29 June 2020 - 06:44 PM
Posted 30 June 2020 - 06:20 PM
My friend told me he failed his Aboriginal music exam last month ... I asked "Did you redo it?"
Posted 02 July 2020 - 04:50 PM
As Bernie Ecclestone becomes a dad at the age of 89, experts ponder if he used a hard compound to achieve pole position...
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