My girlfriend's dog died, but I managed to find her an identical one. She was livid - "What the bleeding hell am I going to do with two dead dogs"?
One Liners :lol:
Started by
Nelly Vx
, Oct 09 2012 10:02 PM
748 replies to this topic
#681
hairy
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Posted 11 July 2021 - 08:01 PM
#682
hairy
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Posted 25 July 2021 - 09:48 AM
The inventor of auto-correct has died ... his funnel is tomato.
#683
hairy
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Posted 22 August 2021 - 05:14 PM
When my mate found out they had a cure for dyslexia he said it was like music to his arse.
#684
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Posted 22 August 2021 - 07:02 PM
I had a happy childhood, my dad used to put me inside old tyres and roll me down hills - those were good years.
#685
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Posted 23 August 2021 - 07:39 PM
Today I slipped on a banana skin............Then I took it off because it looked ridiculous!
#686
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Posted 06 September 2021 - 06:11 AM
I took two vigra tablets instead of my sleeping pills.....................I've been up all night!
#687
hairy
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Posted 09 October 2021 - 04:25 PM
I've just been watching a documentary about sponges ... it was very absorbing.
#688
hairy
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Posted 15 October 2021 - 05:54 PM
Tried calling the tinnitus hotline ... no answer ... just kept ringing.
#689
hairy
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Posted 16 October 2021 - 01:54 PM
My wife asked if I would like one of those things that tests your blood pressure for Christmas? I replied “No way is your mum coming for dinner again."
Edited by hairy, 16 October 2021 - 01:54 PM.
#690
hairy
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Posted 18 October 2021 - 05:06 PM
I pulled a couple of stunners in Bangkok, took them back to my place and realised I'd hit the jackpot. We had 6 matching balls!!!
#691
Ivor
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Posted 18 October 2021 - 10:57 PM
I think you've posted that one before...I pulled a couple of stunners in Bangkok, took them back to my place and realised I'd hit the jackpot. We had 6 matching balls!!!
#692
hairy
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Posted 19 October 2021 - 03:58 PM
I've bought my lady some crotchless knickers as a treat for Halloween ... nothing sexual, just so she can get a better grip on her broomstick.
#693
Ivor
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Posted 19 October 2021 - 06:28 PM
Now that, my friend, is truly funny, possibly the funniest uetI've bought my lady some crotchless knickers as a treat for Halloween ... nothing sexual, just so she can get a better grip on her broomstick.
#694
smiley
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Posted 21 October 2021 - 12:21 PM
My urge to sing "the lion sleeps tonight" is just a whim away, a whim away.
#695
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Posted 27 October 2021 - 03:41 PM
I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a screwdriver ... I can safely say I turned a few heads.
#696
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Wrote and produced the VXT launch film.
Posted 27 October 2021 - 08:31 PM
The satnav said leave the roundabout at the first exit. That’s where it is if you need it.
#697
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Posted 03 November 2021 - 05:52 PM
I bought my 3 year old nephew a jigsaw for his birthday ... imagine our surprise when we found he’d managed to plug it in and cut three of his fingers off.
#698
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Posted 04 November 2021 - 05:40 PM
My wife has a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh ... if I put my ear on it I can smell the sea!
#699
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Posted 06 November 2021 - 06:32 PM
I thought I would be a gentleman and hold a door open for a young lady ... she said "Do you mind, I'm having a sh!t".
#700
hairy
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Posted 12 November 2021 - 06:05 PM
Some burglars stole 24 crates of Red Bull from our local shop ... I don't know how they sleep at night.
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