My girlfriend's dog died, but I managed to find her an identical one. She was livid - "What the bleeding hell am I going to do with two dead dogs"?
One Liners :lol:
Started by
Nelly Vx
, Oct 09 2012 10:02 PM
714 replies to this topic
#681
hairy
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Posted 11 July 2021 - 08:01 PM
#682
hairy
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Posted 25 July 2021 - 09:48 AM
The inventor of auto-correct has died ... his funnel is tomato.
#683
hairy
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Posted 22 August 2021 - 05:14 PM
When my mate found out they had a cure for dyslexia he said it was like music to his arse.
#684
hairy
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Posted 22 August 2021 - 07:02 PM
I had a happy childhood, my dad used to put me inside old tyres and roll me down hills - those were good years.
#685
Gadget2
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Posted 23 August 2021 - 07:39 PM
Today I slipped on a banana skin............Then I took it off because it looked ridiculous!
#686
hairy
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Posted 22 December 2024 - 08:22 PM
To the person that lost their iphone 15 in ASDA today....will you please stop ringing my wifes Xmas present
#687
hairy
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Posted 26 January 2025 - 08:27 PM
The auto pilot on my Tesla insists on driving in the outside lane ... I think it's going too far right.
#688
PaulCP
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Posted 02 February 2025 - 07:22 PM
When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandad, not shouting and screaming like the passengers in his car
#689
oblomov
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Posted 02 February 2025 - 07:45 PM
When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandad, not shouting and screaming like the passengers in his car
The old ones are the best ones 
#690
PaulCP
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Whipping Boy
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Posted 02 February 2025 - 09:21 PM
When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandad, not shouting and screaming like the passengers in his car
The old ones are the best ones
One of Spike’s many classics ????
#691
casino
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Wrote and produced the VXT launch film.
Posted 09 February 2025 - 07:14 PM
My girlfriend got the results for her dental hygienist exams. She said she scraped through.
#692
KurtVerbose
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Posted 10 February 2025 - 01:16 PM
My girlfriend got the results for her dental hygienist exams. She said she scraped through.
That's not even a proper joke. It's more like filler.
#693
Ivor
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and now bees
Posted 10 February 2025 - 04:48 PM
Fangs for that ...
My girlfriend got the results for her dental hygienist exams. She said she scraped through.
That's not even a proper joke. It's more like filler.
#694
Ivor
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Interests:Sheep & Ducatis
and now bees
Posted 10 February 2025 - 04:48 PM
Fangs for that ...
My girlfriend got the results for her dental hygienist exams. She said she scraped through.
That's not even a proper joke. It's more like filler.
#695
SteveA
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Posted 26 February 2025 - 06:52 PM
When I was younger I trained as a gynaecologist, haven’t done it for years but I do like to keep my hand in.
#696
oblomov
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Posted 26 February 2025 - 07:09 PM
I wear a Rolex Submariner - essential in my line of work as a gynaecologist.
#697
KurtVerbose
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His Serene Highness
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Posted 26 February 2025 - 07:42 PM
Shouldn't they be called girlnaecologists?
#698
SteveA
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Posted 25 March 2025 - 09:09 AM
As Germans prepare for high American tariffs on Sausage and Cheese their government state the is the Wurst Kase scenario.
#699
KurtVerbose
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Posted 25 March 2025 - 10:34 AM
As Germans prepare for high American tariffs on Sausage and Cheese their government state the is the Wurst Kase scenario.
You missed the umlaut on Käse.
#700
SteveA
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Posted 25 March 2025 - 10:45 AM
If you read it with the umlaut, the joke doesn’t work 
Edited by SteveA, 25 March 2025 - 10:46 AM.
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