7 replies to this topic

[Spindoctor]

This is an email from someone who left JP Morgan yesterday. He copied in the Chief Executive of the bank, Jamie Dimon. He deserves to go far but I doubt he'll get a job in a City bank...

To

Jacqueline Garcia/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Beatriz E Von Dwinglo/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Ricardo Ramos/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Nirman Patel/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Margaret Badillo/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Jan L Bruzzese/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Cassandra R Woods/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Ardis P Carlos/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Marlene Y Ross/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Dana E Davis/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Cesar R Rosales/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Henry Chu/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Jay Rodriguez/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, John Stojanovski/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Joseph O Cobbinah/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Linus Ly/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Reggie J Gould/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Saroj Hariprashad/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Shelley North/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Terrance Samuel/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Thomas Chesson/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Rao B Dasari/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Bruce C Emerick/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Elizabeth X Smith/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Darren X Lewis/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Iris Menjivar/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, ovidio.rivera@bbh.com, Legrand L Monfleury/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Jim Henry/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Henry M. Lam/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Tommy L Hom/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Philip R Cress/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Saroj Hariprashad/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Tricia B Santucci/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, James Quadarella/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Anish B Bhimani/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Frank J Bisignano/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Kelly M McAlarney/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Jamie Dimon/IL/ONE@JPMCHASE, Kathleen Will/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Carol A Calozzo/IL/ONE@JPMCHASE, Charles P. Costa/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Robert J. Landi/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Donna Larsen/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Tony Farinacci/OH/ONE@JPMCHASE, Judy Beyer/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Nigel Hayward/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, John F Bradley/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Javier A. Dominguez/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Richard Kroh/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, John D Ward/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Friedrich Seifts/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Tanya Tanco/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, GSOM NA Security, Don Merritt/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Robin B Wheeler/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Laura Wong/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Yolanda E Howard/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Janine Quiles/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Curt J Barrentine/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE, Barbara Blauth/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE

Subject: Farewell

Dear Co-Workers and Managers,


As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type "Today is my last day."


For nearly as long as I’ve worked here, I’ve hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.


I would especially like to thank all of my managers both past and present but with the exception of the wonderful Saroj Hariprashad: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation, ignorance and intolerance for true talent. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.


Over the past seven years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.


Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "meets expectation." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of meets expectation scotch with a meets expectation cigar. Thanks Trish!


And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.


But to those few souls with whom I’ve actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:


To Philip Cress, I will not miss hearing you cry over absolutely nothing while laying blame on me and my coworkers. Your racial comments about Joe Cobbinah were truly offensive and I hope that one day you might gain the strength to apologize to him.


To Brenda Ashby whom is long gone, I hope you find a manager that treats you as poorly as you have treated us. I worked harder for you then any manager in my career and I regret every ounce of it. Watching you take credit for my work was truly demoralizing.


To Sylvia Keenan, you should learn how to keep your mouth shut sweet heart. Bad mouthing the innocent is a negative thing, especially when your talking about someone who knows your disgusting secrets. ; )


To Bob Malvin (Mr. Cronyism Jr), well, I wish you had more of a back bone. You threw me to the wolves with that witch Brenda and I learned all too much from it. I still can't believe that after following your instructions, I ended up getting written up, wow. Thanks for the experience buddy, lesson learned.


Don Merritt (Mr. Cronyism Sr), I'm happy that you were let go in the same manner that you have handed down to my dedicated coworkers. Hearing you on the phone last year brag about how great bonuses were going to be for you fellas in upper management because all of the lay offs made me nearly vomit. I never expected to see management benefit financially from the suffering of scores of people but then again, with this company's rooted history in the slave trade it only makes sense.


To all of the executives of this company, Jamie Dimon and such. Despite working through countless managers that practiced unethical behavior, racism, sexism, jealousy and cronyism, I have benefited tremendously by working here and I truly thank you for that. There was once a time where hard work was rewarded and acknowledged, it's a pity that all of our positive output now falls on deaf ears and passes blind eyes. My advice for you is to place yourself closer to the pulse of this company and enjoy the effort and dedication of us "faceless little people" more. There are many great people that are being over worked and mistreated but yet are still loyal not to those who abuse them but to the greater mission of providing excellent customer support. Find them and embrace them as they will help battle the cancerous plague that is ravishing the moral of this company.


So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the lower salary recipient ("because it's good for the company") in India or Tampa who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.


Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.


To those who I have held a great relationship with, I will miss being your co-worker and will cherish our history together. Please don't bother responding as at this very moment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with the windows down listening to Biggie.


One!

This communication is for informational purposes only. It is not intended as an offer or solicitation for the purchase or sale of any financial instrument or as an official confirmation of any transaction. All market prices, data and other information are not warranted as to completeness or accuracy and are subject to change without notice. Any comments or statements made herein do not necessarily reflect those of JPMorgan Chase & Co., its subsidiaries and affiliates. This transmission may contain information that is privileged, confidential, legally privileged, and/or exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any disclosure, copying, distribution, or use of the information contained herein (including any reliance thereon) is STRICTLY PROHIBITED. Although this transmission and any attachments are believed to be free of any virus or other defect that might affect any computer system into which it is received and opened, it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that it is virus free and no responsibility is accepted by JPMorgan Chase & Co., its subsidiaries and affiliates, as applicable, for any loss or damage arising in any way from its use. If you received this transmission in error, please immediately contact the sender and destroy the material in its entirety, whether in electronic or hard copy format. Thank you. Please refer to http://www.jpmorgan....ges/disclosures for disclosures relating to UK legal entities.

[p4cks]

Classic, I can imagine all of the people mentioned gawping at their computer screen hoping that the person next to them hasn't read it. I also hope Joe Cobbinah gets his own back.

[theotherjonnymac]

Why did he leave? Has he won the lottery!

[jules_s]

Genius. One for future reference.

[n1k_ns]

Im getting made redundant 31st August from the building society i work for, maybe this would be appropriate with a little bit of editing

[theotherjonnymac]

Im getting made redundant 31st August from the building society i work for, maybe this would be appropriate with a little bit of editing

Which one? Perhaps we can boycott them in support if we hold any business with them.

[Crimson_Killa]

I applied for an Analyst role with them!!! Glad i didnt go any further with it now!

[jneill]

Looks like it's a variation on this:
http://www.snopes.co...ail/leaving.asp