684 replies to this topic

[hairy]

Definition of "nurse" - first person you see after saying "Hold my beer and watch this!"

[hairy]

What do you call a snake who is employed by the government? A civil serpent. What do you call a hippy’s wife? Mississippi. What do you call an exploding ape? A baboom. What do you call a dentist that doesn’t like tea. Denis What do you call a bird that is afraid of heights? A chicken

[hairy]

Prince Harry says he doesn't want the traditional fruitcake at his wedding. Prince Philip says he doesn't give a sh!t, he's still going!

[hairy]

What's a foot long and slippery    ........   a slipper!!

[hairy]

I went to our local Wyevale garden centre last weekend and bought my wife a flowerpot in the shape of a castle. Sadly she didn't like it, but hey it’s the fort that counts.

[hairy]

In the event of a hurricane or other natural disaster, place a sausage in your pocket so the search dogs will find you first.

[SteveA]

I went to the doctor with hearing problems, and was asked to describe the symptoms - I said Homer is a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair

[hairy]

I recently joined a nudist colony  ...   the first few days were the hardest.

[Nev]

I recently joined a nudist colony  ...   the first few days were the hardest.

 

[hairy]

A bike down the road keeps running me over ... it's a vicious cycle.

Edited by hairy, 18 August 2018 - 04:54 PM.

[Alpha Tango]

"I had a job drilling holes for water, It was Well Boring"

[hairy]

I went to the doctors' yesterday and she told me I must stop masturbating - I asked why and she said because I'm trying to examine you.

[Ivor]

A blind Bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog; he picks the dog up and starts swinging it round his head; A shop assistant calls out 'can I help'; 'no thanks was the reply, I'm just looking.

[SteveA]

I’ve just invested in a startup company who are making commercial airliners out of pasta, bit of a risk though as I’m not sure it will take off.

[hairy]

I need to re-home a dog - it's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

 

[Rosssco]

What do you call an Egyptian taxi driver? Tutankhamoot..

Edited by Rosssco, 12 November 2018 - 11:59 AM.

[hairy]

I applied for a job at Citroen - they asked for 2 CVs.

[hairy]

Golf shoes for sale. Hole in one.

 

[Nev]

Golf shoes for sale. Hole in one.

 

!!!

[Rosssco]

Organised a surprise bukkake party for my girlfriend.

 

Everyone came, and you should have seen her face..