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One Liners :lol:

Started by Nelly Vx , Oct 09 2012 10:02 PM

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#481 hairy

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Posted 01 February 2017 - 09:01 PM

Have you ever eaten a clock? It's very time consuming especially if you go back for seconds.


#482 hairy

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Posted 07 April 2017 - 05:29 PM

Tried to take a photograph of some fog .... mist.

#483 hairy

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Posted 03 May 2017 - 07:27 PM

I've heard a lot of unemployment jokes ... but none of them work.


#484 hairy

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Posted 15 May 2017 - 08:14 PM

A shipment of viagra has been stolen ... police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals


#485 hairy

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Posted 20 May 2017 - 05:03 PM

Why is it called, ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ when the first thing you do is stand up and say...“My name is Hairy and I’m an alcoholic.”


#486 hairy

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Posted 19 June 2017 - 07:42 PM

So it's a hung parliament. Do we get to do all of them?
 
 

#487 hairy

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Posted 02 August 2017 - 08:39 PM

The Chairman of Parcelforce has died...his funeral will be held on Tuesday between 8am and 1pm.


#488 SteveA

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 09:09 AM

The owner of the Turkish Madame Tussauds has decided to call it a day and shut down the attraction, apparently it has been impossible to make a profit.


#489 Tony H

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 09:38 AM

Why did the partially sighted man fall into the well?

 

 

He couldn't see that well.


#490 Alpha Tango

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 12:45 PM

My mate races snails and he wanted to make one faster so he removed it's shell, unfortunately he just made it slugish.


#491 oblomov

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 01:45 PM

Believe it or not I saw my first porno film the other day and it was a bit of a shock to say the least. I looked so young.


#492 hairy

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Posted 08 August 2017 - 06:10 PM

I was asked to stop singing Oasis songs in public ... I said maybe


#493 Tony H

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Posted 08 August 2017 - 08:52 PM

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees. At first I thought she was joking.. but then I saw her face.. Sent from my Redmi Note 4 using Tapatalk

#494 SteveA

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Posted 18 August 2017 - 08:09 AM

Been listening to U2 lately but I have to have the treble turned down, I find it takes the edge off.


#495 hairy

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Posted 18 August 2017 - 07:11 PM

If you ever feel powerless - remember just one of your pubic hairs can shut down an entire restaurant.


#496 KurtVerbose

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Posted 19 August 2017 - 06:48 AM

If you are being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.


#497 KurtVerbose

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Posted 19 August 2017 - 06:48 AM

The longer it takes you to meet the person you're gonna spend the rest of your life with, the more chance there is you'll be together until you die.


#498 KurtVerbose

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Posted 19 August 2017 - 06:50 AM

I have a jihadist sex doll. It blows its self up.


#499 oblomov

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Posted 20 August 2017 - 05:57 PM

My first girl friend was really ugly, you wouldn't believe how ugly she was. I took her for a walk in the woods and she found some truffles.

#500 hairy

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Posted 26 August 2017 - 10:55 AM

There's nothing that special about Switzerland, really. Although, their flag is a big plus.


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