) as soon as she did it she regretted it, it seriously effected her next relationships and that it changed her dramatically.
she's now in a relationship she's been in for three years which she seems very content with, but not overjoyed about. (we were engaged after 3 months, ok we were young, but we both mean it). seeing as the parts of her personality which were incompatible with our situation at the time have been matured out of who she is i'm stuck with a bit of a problem.
she still looks stunning (like she did at twenty) but i think we are going to be able to get on now even better than we did then (we certainly have so far).
in other words:-
can open, worms everywhere!
essentially the best idea i think would be just to say "well it was great seeing you again, but it's probably for the best if i disappear again"
if she wasn't with someone i'd ask her out again like a shot!
what should i do?
My Life Is Never Dull
Started by
Guest_AntB (Guest)
, May 25 2005 10:27 AM
86 replies to this topic
#1
Guest_AntB (Guest)
Guest_AntB (Guest)
Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:27 AM
here you go all, the latest instalment in my never dull life:-
just had a few days off as work has been getting me down, a couple of days ago i took the 'scenic' route to my dad's place via the house of a girl i was engaged to when i was in my second year at uni.
to cut a long story short, she said that breaking up with me was a massive mistake and that she only did what she did to get my attention, thinking that my work was more important than her (this was never the case, but i can kind of understand where she's coming from ) as soon as she did it she regretted it, it seriously effected her next relationships and that it changed her dramatically.
she's now in a relationship she's been in for three years which she seems very content with, but not overjoyed about. (we were engaged after 3 months, ok we were young, but we both mean it). seeing as the parts of her personality which were incompatible with our situation at the time have been matured out of who she is i'm stuck with a bit of a problem.
she still looks stunning (like she did at twenty) but i think we are going to be able to get on now even better than we did then (we certainly have so far).
in other words:-
can open, worms everywhere!
essentially the best idea i think would be just to say "well it was great seeing you again, but it's probably for the best if i disappear again"
if she wasn't with someone i'd ask her out again like a shot!
what should i do?
) as soon as she did it she regretted it, it seriously effected her next relationships and that it changed her dramatically.
she's now in a relationship she's been in for three years which she seems very content with, but not overjoyed about. (we were engaged after 3 months, ok we were young, but we both mean it). seeing as the parts of her personality which were incompatible with our situation at the time have been matured out of who she is i'm stuck with a bit of a problem.
she still looks stunning (like she did at twenty) but i think we are going to be able to get on now even better than we did then (we certainly have so far).
in other words:-
can open, worms everywhere!
essentially the best idea i think would be just to say "well it was great seeing you again, but it's probably for the best if i disappear again"
if she wasn't with someone i'd ask her out again like a shot!
what should i do?
#2
JimH
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:29 AM
You are a member of the cast of Brookside and I claim my five pounds.
#3
Kip'n'Srin
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Billy No Mates
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:33 AM
Leave well alone, it sounds like she is tugging on your old emotions and you'll get tangled in that web again.
#4
fluffy
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:41 AM
don't know! (gosh thats helpful!) Maybe look at it like this. How would you like it if you were going out with someone for 3 years and then their ex turns up and sweeps them off their feet. If this as already happened to you, my apologies!
Maybe just take it on the chin and get out there more and meet some new people. Plenty more lovely women out there, you just gotta look. Maybe take some advice that someone offers to my question:
I've actually just finished in a 2 year relationship - not sure what I want next, but my social life is non--existent now and so want people opinions on how to get to meet people for nights out again.
My thoughts were:
Yahoo personals - cos I have been advised its rather a laugh - better be, it costs £20 a month! 
Speed dating - see what all the fuss is about.
Any other suggestions? Already a member of a local sports club and about to start a new job too so don't need anything heavy.
Final thought before I post this is what if the ex reads this. We're still good friends but I could have just dropped myself in it. Oh well as my father once said "always in the sh*t, its just the depth that varies". Might need scuba gear this time... 
E
Maybe look at it like this. How would you like it if you were going out with someone for 3 years and then their ex turns up and sweeps them off their feet. If this as already happened to you, my apologies!
Maybe just take it on the chin and get out there more and meet some new people. Plenty more lovely women out there, you just gotta look. Maybe take some advice that someone offers to my question:
I've actually just finished in a 2 year relationship - not sure what I want next, but my social life is non--existent now and so want people opinions on how to get to meet people for nights out again.
My thoughts were:
Yahoo personals - cos I have been advised its rather a laugh - better be, it costs £20 a month!
Speed dating - see what all the fuss is about.
Any other suggestions? Already a member of a local sports club and about to start a new job too so don't need anything heavy.
Final thought before I post this is what if the ex reads this. We're still good friends but I could have just dropped myself in it. Oh well as my father once said "always in the sh*t, its just the depth that varies". Might need scuba gear this time...
E
#5
Guest_AntB (Guest)
Guest_AntB (Guest)
Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:44 AM
in all fairness she's done nothing, it just seems that we had a profound effect on each other and had much stronger feelings at the time than we knew how to express (she has commented that we didn't talk that much, probably because we were both too immature, so we mainly sh@gged). we always got on, we just were incapable of discussing the really important things.Leave well alone, it sounds like she is tugging on your old emotions and you'll get tangled in that web again.
we have both commented since the other day that we saw each other as soulmates, which is why the break up upset us both so much as it seemed to prove us wrong.
i think i should just stay indoors, that way these things can't happen!
#6
mal_dun
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:47 AM
Wouldn't be suprised if her current relationship faded out if you've rekindled the memories.
You've got two choices:-
Ask her and see if a ghost is laid to rest or not
Don't ask and always wonder
#7
jules_s
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Iceman
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:48 AM
Wait until she's single 
#8
jules_s
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:49 AM
Where's the 'easy shag and walk away' option?Ask her and see if a ghost is laid to rest or not
Don't ask and always wonder
#9
Kip'n'Srin
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Billy No Mates
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:51 AM
She didn't need to tell you that " breaking up with you was a mistake ", she was already playing with you by trying to get " your attention ".
Mars and Venus!!
Don't play games or play games but know which you are doing so YOU don't get hurt. 
#10
caleebra
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:51 AM
And that she aint going out with Mike Tyson, or someone similarly mentally imbalanced and hardWait until she's single
#11
Guest_AntB (Guest)
Guest_AntB (Guest)
Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:54 AM
i don't like wondering, all the stuff i never knew that i would have wanted to know at the time upsets me, i hate 'what ifs' i'd rather have done it in the first place.You've got two choices:-
Ask her ...............
Don't ask and always wonder
i don't regret her breaking up with me as loads of good stuff has happened to me as a result of it (i wouldn't have got such a good degree if i'd have had her to wory about), it's just that now i have two regrets in my life instead of one and that was already one too many!
#12
Guest_AntB (Guest)
Guest_AntB (Guest)
Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:56 AM
we've both shared lots of stuff that probably should have stayed personal, i think it just comes as a relief that we both know that all the upset we went through was for a good reason, we really loved each other at the time!She didn't need to tell you that " breaking up with you was a mistake ", she was already playing with you by trying to get " your attention ".
Mars and Venus!!
Don't play games or play games but know which you are doing so YOU don't get hurt.
#13
Kip'n'Srin
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Billy No Mates
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:59 AM
AT THE TIME!!!!!!
#14
mart356
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 11:16 AM
Forget it, don't bother going back. Those faults you talk about may have got worse, not better. Seems you are in relective mood, bad to look back, look forward - (unless you are looking to learn from your errors). Seems she's compating what she has now to what she had
Be there, seen it, done it, did it again, did it again to make sure, couldn't tell, so I did it again. All a big mess. The last time she came back saying the only boyfriend she was every happy with was me. Like a twat I fell for it. Then I remembered all the things about her that annoyed the hell out of me...blah blah
Read Nick Hornby Hi-Fidelity, first chapter will do it. Only birds that got you early on in life can fcuk you up emotionally. It's difficult to rationalise your way out of those. She sounds like she falls into that category.
Steer well clear, give someone new the chance to fcuk you up.
#15
Guest_AntB (Guest)
Guest_AntB (Guest)
Posted 25 May 2005 - 11:19 AM
i actually used this as an example when i saw her, i said that i was taking stock of my life following all the things that had happened and just wanted to know how she was.....Read Nick Hornby Hi-Fidelity, first chapter will do it. Only birds that got you early on in life can fcuk you up emotionally.
#16
Pedro
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 11:45 AM
Ten quid says that AntB will be hanging out the back of her before the weeks out 
#17
CupidKnewRap
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 12:10 PM
Spooky.
I'm in a similar position Ant.
Thought I'd never have to deal with the girl again but by some horrible coincidence it looks like were both going to be working in the same place for a while as of july 
(by the way this really is weird as we only work in the same field not organisation) . Get on really well with her (lot of tension though) whenever we've met since but these have always been just short moments. I'm the one in the 'very happy but not the same' relationship of years though, so I'm going to have to find a way to dealing with her somhow 
and still be able to work with her and not get involved.
Difference is this is thrust on me - I don't understand why you'd just swing by to see her one day. If the tin was already open at that point then you've already acted on it and tipped the worms on the floor . If not then what on earth did you do it for?
I can't give you advice I don't have any on this, plus everytime I tell somone what the answers are they just go and find out in the hardest way possible.
edit: People about our age seem to go out of their(our?) way to make life as interesting as possible. I think this generations going to be in a mess before long.
(by the way this really is weird as we only work in the same field not organisation) . Get on really well with her (lot of tension though) whenever we've met since but these have always been just short moments. I'm the one in the 'very happy but not the same' relationship of years though, so I'm going to have to find a way to dealing with her somhow and still be able to work with her and not get involved.
Difference is this is thrust on me - I don't understand why you'd just swing by to see her one day. If the tin was already open at that point then you've already acted on it and tipped the worms on the floor . If not then what on earth did you do it for?
I can't give you advice I don't have any on this, plus everytime I tell somone what the answers are they just go and find out in the hardest way possible.
edit: People about our age seem to go out of their(our?) way to make life as interesting as possible. I think this generations going to be in a mess before long.
Edited by CupidKnewRap, 25 May 2005 - 12:20 PM.
#18
Guest_AntB (Guest)
Guest_AntB (Guest)
Posted 25 May 2005 - 12:28 PM
i have no idea why i went by to see her, i think this is a follow up of me breaking up with my ex (or more accurately being dumped) in january. i thought that seeing as this girl was more important to me that sam was as 'she got in first' i was just intrigued as to how she'd turned out. i knew the person i'd meet would pretty much be a stranger who just bore a resemblance to the girl i was engaged to, but i guess i was just intrigued. it was by far the most painful breakup i've ever had and the messiest, maybe i just thought i'd like answers and that enough time had passed.Difference is this is thrust on me - I don't understand why you'd just swing by to see her one day. If the tin was already open at that point then you've already acted on it and tipped the worms on the floor . If not then what on earth did you do it for?
I can't give you advice I don't have any on this, plus everytime I tell somone what the answers are they just go and find out in the hardest way possible.
i think what blew me away was how much she had suffered as the dumper, i never thought that the silence i'd used to protect myself would lead to her questioning whether i'd ever loved her etc.
i won't be hanging out the back of her by the end of the week as apart from anything else she lives 120 miles away from me!
i'll just see how things go, at the mo i'm just glad we're friends again. i know, that sounds
#19
Kip'n'Srin
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Billy No Mates
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 12:33 PM
PLAYING GAMES?
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