8076 replies to this topic

[Wolfstone]

People that say 'Oh my god'....over and over and over. Or type 'OMG'

[C8RKH]

OMG. Really?

[fiveoclock]

Adverts, more so they have to have a minority of sorts in them for political correctness, even the bloody dfs advert with rag dolls has one

I raise you the Maltezer lesbian advert. It has every single concept of a lesbian you could imagine in it.

[SteveA]

I raise you the Maltezer lesbian advert. It has every single concept of a lesbian you could imagine in it.

Sounds like the words of a man who studies lesbians a lot

[AlfaAversion]

Sending a parcel from work for a cheap meter sold on eBay via yodel going to the midlands
Someone at work giving them a 3k media unit for a jeep srt meant for syracuse via ups
What chance do I have of seeing it again or hiding it from my boss

[Sutol]

People who don't finish a sentence before they start another.

[james.a]

The M1 and the M25

[oblomov]

 

I raise you the Maltezer lesbian advert. It has every single concept of a lesbian you could imagine in it.

Sounds like the words of a man who studies lesbians a lot

 

 

A friend of mine suspected his girlfriend of having an affair so he followed her only to find out it was with her female best friend.. When he told me about catching them in bed together I siad  "Didn't you ask if you could watch?"  For some reason he wasn't amused.

[oblomov]

The annoying trend of gastropubs (and some friends!) having hand wash and hand cream next to each other in the toilets.. lost count of the number of times I've tried washing my hands with hand cream..

 

It's not for moiturising your hands, you're supposed to grab a hand full if required and retreat to a cubicle.......
 

[Ali87]

So I take my coffee outside the caff to sit at a table in the sun and up sidles two old women, one of whom whom wedges herself between the table and a spare chair my tablet is on and nods at it. So, being an easy going type of person but thinking to myself 'You could at least be polite enough to ask' I move my tablet and they both sit down. Then they both get out cigarettes and start smoking upwind of me. Then a woman with her daughter and a pram turn up, start talking to the old women and then sit down at one spare chair and take another from another table. Then there's a smell of burning plastic, one of the old women is sitting there with the fag in her hand pressed against her handbag, burning a hole in it and she doesn't even notice. Then two more women turn up and pull up chairs so there are six women at my table and one mentions coffee and the others all say 'No', they've all had coffee at the caff up the street where it's much cheaper. Then four more women turn up and stand talking to the six at the table and no-one but me has actually paid for anything, they're just using my table as a meeting place. I sit there gobsmacked by the cheek of these people.

In these situations a good loud and hopefully eye wateringly smelly fart usually gives you back your peace!

[oblomov]

 

So I take my coffee outside the caff to sit at a table in the sun and up sidles two old women, one of whom whom wedges herself between the table and a spare chair my tablet is on and nods at it. So, being an easy going type of person but thinking to myself 'You could at least be polite enough to ask' I move my tablet and they both sit down. Then they both get out cigarettes and start smoking upwind of me. Then a woman with her daughter and a pram turn up, start talking to the old women and then sit down at one spare chair and take another from another table. Then there's a smell of burning plastic, one of the old women is sitting there with the fag in her hand pressed against her handbag, burning a hole in it and she doesn't even notice. Then two more women turn up and pull up chairs so there are six women at my table and one mentions coffee and the others all say 'No', they've all had coffee at the caff up the street where it's much cheaper. Then four more women turn up and stand talking to the six at the table and no-one but me has actually paid for anything, they're just using my table as a meeting place. I sit there gobsmacked by the cheek of these people.

In these situations a good loud and hopefully eye wateringly smelly fart usually gives you back your peace!

 

It didn't end there.  A week later I was outside the same cafe when she came up again and without a word started to sit down at my table.  I told her I needed all the chairs because I was expecting more people and yet she still dragged one away to sit next to me between full tables. This really pi$$ed me off so I challenged her in a loud voice in front of everyone to embarrass her, drawing attention to the fact she wasn't even a customer and eventually with reluctance she got up to leave, and then, she had second thoughts and the cheeky cow came back and challenged me about how many chairs I needed.  That was the last straw, I told her to fcuk of and mind her own business.  I'm not usually rude to old women but in this case.....  I've seen her a few times since because every day she and her cronies have coffee up the road where it's cheaper and then come down to Cafe Nero to take up tables without buying anything. Now however she can't look at me and doesn't come near where I'm sitting.

[rob999]

Sounds like some sexual tension going on there....

[Nev]

Sounds like some sexual tension going on there....

[oblomov]

Sounds like some sexual tension going on there....

 

The thing about gerontophilia is you either automatically become cured as you get older or you're forced to suffer from it.  Oh, wait a minute....
 

[twoclubsandastick]

People who walk along and just stop dead!

[Nev]

People who walk along and just stop dead!

 

That's be the mobile phone zombies, I have to dodge them every day on the cycle path.
 

[fiveoclock]

The Waitrose/John Lewis ad with the kids singing. Its not enough that its a crap gimmicky novelty song anyway, you've also got to listen to kids murdering it

[oblomov]

Mercedes Club Members."We've just spent 10 days travelling around Germany in the Mercedes." - mentioned three times in half an hour.  "Mind you it seems a pity to fly when you've got two beautiful (Mercedes) cars on the drive. Get over yourself FFS!  I mentioned the VX.  "I bet the AMG boys give you a run for your money."  Well er, no actually, last run in I had with one about six weeks ago I absolutely left him for dead.

[Nev]

WORK. Jesus Christ my managers are the most terrible "yes men" ever, just pushing emails down the chain for me to fix their constant chaotic mess. Nearly walked out today - really.

[hairy]

People who can’t follow simple instructions going through airport security.

He just told you to empty your pockets, not full of change and keys!

No madam, you can’t take six bags of makeup through!

Gaaaaaaaaah!!! 🤬🤬