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My Life Is Never Dull

Started by Guest_AntB (Guest) , May 25 2005 10:27 AM

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#61 CupidKnewRap

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Posted 26 May 2005 - 12:03 PM

you know i'm still going to see how this turns out though! ;)

No-one can give you advice even if they tried :P .
Said in my first post that you'd just do whatever you felt like anyway ;)

Obviously i'm pretty hopless at helping you cause I'm dealing similar sh*t myself but the thread seems to be just as useful to me thumbsup peeps.

edit: wierd spurious words hanging around removed

Edited by CupidKnewRap, 26 May 2005 - 12:04 PM.

#62 hunt_the_fox

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Posted 26 May 2005 - 12:04 PM

Just read the whole of this thread :o I would say leave alone, it's a cliche but there are plenty of fish in the sea, if she was single then it may be different but I can't see the point in crashing another relationship to satisfy a 'what if' question. On the other hand if you really find that you love her and could spend the rest of your life with her then it could be worth it. Nice. I've just argued myself into a circle. One other thing to bear in mind is that I am a firm believer in the idea that there are faithful people and unfaithful people and that leopards seldom change their spots, she cheated on you- do you think that she would cheat on her current fella with you? If so how do you know that she would not do the same if a better prospect came along if she gets together with you? (ego aside, it will happen at some point) May be worth bearing in mind but I suppose it is impossible to tell without actually knowing the person. Good luck with whatever course you take.

#63 Guest_AntB (Guest)

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Posted 26 May 2005 - 12:05 PM

Obviously i'm pretty hopless at helping you cause I'm dealing similar sh*t myself but the thread seems to be just as useful to me thumbsup peeps.

you know what they say, a problem shared is a problem doubled! :lol:

#64 Guest_AntB (Guest)

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Posted 27 May 2005 - 06:23 AM

had a bit of a think about this last night following the realisation that i'd forgotten to take an inch-thick consultation document home to read and sent the lady in question a text to find out how she was. the text said she was fine and going to the cinema.

then the penny dropped.

we ARE two completely different people now, no matter how much my ego was massaged by hearing just how much breaking up with me was a mistake for her it doesn't change the fact that no matter how much i lie to myself to the contrary, we could never have the long term relationship we thought we could when we were going out five years ago. this is pretty much for the following reasons:-

1) i need someone who stimulates me mentally and is driven in their own way, not someone who is just there to fulfil a role as someone to come home to every night.

2) i might work hard (probably too hard) but not only does it make me happy- as long as i don't overdo it- but i also relax just as hard as well. hard work has brought/ bought me all the things i need to be able to have a much better time in the time i have off.

3) the part of her which i think that i like the most was the bit of her that had the fire in her and wanted to go out every night, drink, then come home and fcuk. although she says she still lets go on a friday night there is something about the 'bubble' nature that her life has become that will mean that this person has gone. i got the impression that us breaking up and her realising that the way for someone to love her for who she was was to have a grownup relationship with them and not always keep them thinking "if you don't worship me every second of the day i will leave you forever" means that she isn't as "special" as i wanted her to be. i want someone who isn't like every other girl, if she is acting less like she is not so convinced of her uniqueness, then maybe that is the case.

4) there is too much geographical distance between us.

5) she isn't sufficiently financially independent to take any major steps on her own.

6) when we were together i told her every five minutes i loved her, although it seems she felt the same she didn't trust me enough to let me know as often, always worrying i'd use it against her, which if she'd really known me she'd know i never would. a relationship is a two way street.

7) if she is unhappy in her existing relationship it is her place to make the first move, not mine. then she has to tackle some of the points above if SHE wants to be with ME!

how's that then?

i think seeing her again was in someway to do with my breakup with sam. the realisation in both cases is now, although somewhat frustrating, that unless i find (or happen upon) someone who is willing to put as much effort into their life and a relationship as me, until that point all my relationships are doomed to failure as without being able to tell someone i love them and them know it is the truth- as i don't function with anything else- i am wasting my time, as well as their's.

how's that for a summing up?

thumbsup

thanks everyone.

p.s. don't know if my take on the situation will help andrew cupidknewrap

#65 CupidKnewRap

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Posted 31 May 2005 - 09:17 AM

sorry to dredge this one back up again. ;) Your exactly right Ant, but I already looked at things that way :) Just that I'll have have spend large amounts of time in her company whatever happens :beat: . Factor in my 13 week old girl :jump: (who has decided to cry continuously for three days :rolleyes: , so excuse any lack of sense on my part :P ) plus various other ways my life has changed and it's not much of a competition really :unsure: . Just that I'm not comfortable putting myself in this position for that long :( hope everything goes well ant.

Edited by CupidKnewRap, 31 May 2005 - 10:07 AM.

#66 Guest_AntB (Guest)

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Posted 31 May 2005 - 09:58 AM

sorry to dradge this one back up again. ;)

Your exactly right Ant, but I already looked at things that way :)
Just that I'll have have spend large amounts of time in her company whatever happens :beat: .
Factor in my 13 week old girl :jump: (who has decided to cry continuously for three days :rolleyes: , so excuse any lack of sense on my part :P ) plus various other ways my life has changed and it's not much of a competition really :unsure: .

Just that I'm not comfortable putting myself in this position for that long :(

hope everything goes well ant.

i obviously still want to see if i can 'relight her fire' see if the bit of her that i fell in love with (as well as all the other bits) are still there.

talked myself round in a circle again! :beat:

i'll just reread the bit i posted above! :beat:

#67 mart356

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Posted 31 May 2005 - 10:25 AM

Ok so what's her number? I fancy a crack....... :o :D My juices are flowing once more.... Went surfing in Devon this weekend. My mate (he's almost 40) brought his new lady - she's 22!!!! WTF.... however she is absolutely bloody stunning. He's 39 going on 79, most nights he crashed at 10pm and we kept on going, just her and I pubbing and clubbing. She laughed at all my crap jokes (well she is 22 - you would have to be really young or mentally ill) and kept pinching my arse Told me my mate was shite in bed and had the sex drive of a tortoise. Ended up fancying the pants of her... Although the age difference was all too obvious - i.e. that she was not a cynical, aloof, hard work, money-grabbing, clock-ticking, marriage hungry 30 something bindt that I usually come across. I told her I was going down surfing again mid-june, my mate can't make it, she asked if she could come down with me.... Yes please... my friend was not happy at the prospects and kept trying to come up with spanners to stop this from happening.... I feel bad, what should I do?

#68 mart356

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Posted 31 May 2005 - 10:30 AM

Oh and I should just add that I stormed down the A39 (Atlantic Coast Highway) to see a friend in Newquay on Monday morning - headed off so early that nothing was on the roads. Absolutle VX fcuking heaven. Did Croyde to Newquay in 1hr 15 min. Took 2hrs 15 to get back with the traffic and the mobile speed cameras. Had fun with the overtaking bit. ma

#69 Guest_AntB (Guest)

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Posted 31 May 2005 - 10:32 AM

Ok so what's her number? I fancy a crack....... :o :D

My juices are flowing once more....

Went surfing in Devon this weekend. My mate (he's almost 40) brought his new lady - she's 22!!!! WTF.... however she is absolutely bloody stunning. He's 39 going on 79, most nights he crashed at 10pm and we kept on going, just her and I pubbing and clubbing. She laughed at all my crap jokes (well she is 22 - you would have to be really young or mentally ill) and kept pinching my arse Told me my mate was shite in bed and had the sex drive of a tortoise. Ended up fancying the pants of her... Although the age difference was all too obvious - i.e. that she was not a cynical, aloof, hard work, money-grabbing, clock-ticking, marriage hungry 30 something bindt that I usually come across.

I told her I was going down surfing again mid-june, my mate can't make it, she asked if she could come down with me.... Yes please... my friend was not happy at the prospects and kept trying to come up with spanners to stop this from happening....

I feel bad, what should I do?

if they split up, fine, if not steer well clear. i've had my mates' birds flirt with me and it makes me want to run a mile, they're fit but they are my mates bird!

if i got back with my ex(exexexexex) it could be just seen as getting back to where i was, i don't know her bloke, therefore am not being a sh1t! that's the way it works in my head anyway! :lol: :blink:

#70 mart356

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Posted 31 May 2005 - 10:40 AM

I know what you are saying. I think I probably haven't seen enough fit women lately with too much work and stuff lately. First great summer outing and it kick started me... i think. Dunno what it was, the surfing, the exercise, the sun/sea/sand, the testoterone VX roads. I've come back from Devon and want to fcuk the world!! :blink: :D :D think i might have to calm down now... !!!!

#71 Guest_AntB (Guest)

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Posted 31 May 2005 - 10:45 AM

not wanting to blow my own trumpet but if i followed up every offer i had at the moment i'd never have any time to do anything else! i think i'll just wait for "miss right" to come along... the trucking gym isn't helping, i need to get my body to cut down on the amount of testosterone it's producing!

#72 CupidKnewRap

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Posted 31 May 2005 - 10:47 AM

If they split up, fine, if not steer well clear


I used to be known for commiting this crime regularly :o ;)

Eventually involves a totally new social life. That kept my life interesting for a few years.
TBH rarely went that far, I just get on well with women and people got the wrong ideas.
Hard to talk them round.

When I did do it the sex was great :tt: ...but that was about all there was to it thumbsdown .

edit: would say young, stupid etc. but might seem flippant :P

Edited by CupidKnewRap, 31 May 2005 - 10:51 AM.

#73 mart356

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Posted 31 May 2005 - 11:02 AM

Yeah, similar. When I was about 20 i lost interest in my bird at the time and one of my mates shagged her, as she thought I was shagging someone else. So later that year I took his bird of him. Juvenile but good revenge at the time. Unfortunately I didn't realise we were playing chase the Ace and I ended up with that bad card for way too long. Yin/ Yang and all that chinese stuff. It's a problem when mates birds come to you for advice, as you know far too many skeletons and if you kind of fancy them, you don't really want to lie to them or just say 'shut up, it will all be alright'. I try and be fair and may have a word with my mate to create some weird behaviour of his or clear up their misunderstanding. In this instance, it was a case of she's a student has no money but my mate is tight - if she offers to pay her half - he takes the money - He allegedly bought her a wet suit for the weekend, then told her she could pay him 10 quid each time she used it!!!! And he wasn't joking. fcuking outrageous! She didn't even ask for it. Ah well... It's weird, but I found myslef trying to be the best 'me' there could be on the weekend, without doing any flirting. More like performing for an audience, if ya know what I mean. I reckon that's part of our natural competitive streaks.

#74 JJEuropa

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Posted 31 May 2005 - 06:37 PM

I always stick to this "It's better to look back and say I wish I hadn't, than to look back and say I wish I had" I think that says it all!!!! Good luck, whatever you decide to do. JJ

#75 john_s

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Posted 31 May 2005 - 07:27 PM

I feel bad, what should I do?

This one's easy to sort out (so it gets dealt with first)...

1: Get her to drop your mate.
2: Nail her thumbsup

Or to phrase it in a more civilised manner...

Tell her you like her, but won't take things any further, as doing the dirty on a mate is a big no no.

Oh, and don't worry about the age difference... it's only a number.

#76 john_s

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Posted 31 May 2005 - 07:43 PM

AntB... I think if i were in your situation, I'd be for giving things a chance, but taking plenty of time to work through the issues. I'd be sensitive to the fact that she's involved with someone, but as you mentioned it's someone you don't know so don't let it get in the way. As you said, some of the issues are for her to address. I'd not worry about the distance between you; there's always a way. As someone mentioned above, it's better to regret doing something than to regret not doing it. There's only one ex that I've always had a feeling of unfinished business with, and if the situation arose, I think it would be right to give things another go. I've only seen this thread today, and have read it rather quickly, but I thought I'd throw a few thoughts in for you. Feel free to ignore, but hope it helps! :D

#77 Guest_AntB (Guest)

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Posted 01 June 2005 - 07:03 AM

the longer i think about this the more i am for leaving well alone. most of this is just for reasons following on from what i've written above, some more of these are written below. 1. aforementioned bird tried to call it a day (obviously as i've discovered since to call my bluff) at the end of an academic year. she split up with another boyfriend of a year as she moved back to where she lives now and her current bloke is her dad's ex-lodger (who she initially thought it would be dead weird to start seeing she said to me last week). She lives with her mum (who is split from her dad) and her stepdad. this has been since she left uni three years ago and she says that she is saving to buy her own place next year (still no mention of moving in with her bloke :blink: ) get my point about the 'nice little bubble' environment? thinking back all the way through our relationship she was always looking after number 1, i was always second. (with respect to her, we were only 20, so that's fair enough.) 2. she just isn't as motivated as me, which although that could be a bonus as i need a 'yang' to my 'yin', i want to get out and do stuff, she is happy to take life as it comes. 3. the fire in her seems to have gone out. 4. i'm sick of going out with women who can't drive, i love my car, it's sitting just behind me *sighs*, but i refuse to run it into the ground due to their lack of transport or end up being an 'errand boy' shall i post more up as they come to me? the one thing that continues to bug me is the comment we both made about thinking we were 'soulmates', obviously this could be seen as a bit immature, but the relationship clearly effected us both A LOT. oh, and the one about the geographical distance being useful to keep a perspective on things (not get carried away), if the whole thing were dead and buried geographical distance would be irrelevant! :beat:

#78 Richy

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Posted 01 June 2005 - 09:49 AM

2.
she just isn't as motivated as me, which although that could be a bonus as i need a 'yang' to my 'yin', i want to get out and do stuff!!

Is your Ying your Yang??

It our topic today on JERRYYYY!

Posted Image

A trip to Thia land and 50bart could get you a sucky fooky lady Ant, then you'd have none of these problems :rolleyes: ....She'd love you long time :)

;) :lol:

#79 Guest_AntB (Guest)

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Posted 02 June 2005 - 10:52 AM

Be very careful. Ant you sound emotionally lost and grasping at old branches ain't going to help. Hopefully you cleared up how both of you felt after you last split but that can really only lead to a re-analysis of the event, leading to perhaps the concept that you are and have always been those starcrossed lovers.... unfinished business and all that.

give the man a prize!

this may be a long answer (likely knowing me) or a short one (less likely)

last night, after worrying all day, i thought i'd call her and ended up chatting to her mum (she was round her bloke's place), said i'd talk to her later in the week, she could call me/ i'd call her, whatever (her that is not her mum! :rolleyes: )....

then it hit me, i had the same feeling about this as going to see her in the first place, basically that whilst it was accomplishing something it wasn't doing what needed doing.

then i sat down and wrote a list of all the things that had happened to me since i'd last 'had time to myself' in other words not been dealing with some crisis or other and came to the conclusion that this was just a form of procrastination. having thought so much about this relationship/ my last relationship/ work/ setting up home/ finishing my post grad qualifictaion/ etc i'd not actually had a chance to 'take a breather' and deal with the real upset (all the bereavements i'd had). plus i have no idea who i am, or what i really like doing other than i seem to be good at my job and that people generally seem to like me (although most people on here probably think i'm a head-case - why am i not in the big brother house? :lol: )

so that's what i'm going to do, just enjoy life and force myself to take it slow for a bit.

conveniently one of my colleagues friends who i was supposed to be getting set up with this weekend can't make it to her party (where we were supposed to 'bump into each other') so that means that i can just have some more relaxing weekends drinking/ playing xbox/ ps2/ hanging out with people/ doing nice things, basically letting my mind unwind.

although i'm not jealous of her new bloke, the trade i'm in (architecture) has forced me to be fiercely competitive, so i was just not wanting to 'lose' at something. if i did start to see her again i could see all the same things happening, so i think that i can- if i can be arsed- see her as a mate, or just wander back out of her life, happy that i made the right choice 5 years ago.

thanks again all.

thumbsup

better than going on 'trisha'! :lol:

#80 hunt_the_fox

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Posted 02 June 2005 - 11:05 AM

Mart- I am going out with a bird who is an ex of a mate of mine- it caused a lot of problems and we have both lost friends over it (me more than her) but I think it was worth it. I'd say it would be worth it if there really was something in it but not just for a quick shag. There are loads of 22 yr olds out there B)
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